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LiveJournal for The Shit Beneath My Cheeks.

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Saturday, June 14th, 2003

Posted by:pooppoop.
Time:7:50 pm.
some poopie things that i honestly think about and discuss:

-that now-or-never feeling when you hafta run to the bathroom bc your poopie decides it needs to be born now!!

-the thrill of completing of a fast paced and easy sliding shit.

-the despair of sitting and huffing/puffing/pushing with no movement of the bowels, but you cant get up coz a 1/3 of it is poking out your ass

-multicolored shit, a wonder of it's own.
(the only other substance i know of that makes pretty colors, other than corn, is barium)

-WORST = the sharp pointy shit that scratches up your rectum

-me and my friends refer to the sensation where your walking around feel like a fuckin turd is sorta peeking out of your asshole when in actuallity its not
Comments: 5 turds - shit in my mouth.

Tuesday, March 11th, 2003

Posted by:getupkid.
Time:12:17 am.
i cant stop blowing ass. it just never ends.
Comments: 1 turd - shit in my mouth.

Tuesday, March 4th, 2003

Posted by:cheeselog.
Time:7:30 pm.
Mood: lethargic.
dude, i had mongolian barbecue tonight and it's ripping me up....

talk about attila's revenge....

and it keeps burblin' inside me....
Comments: 2 turds - shit in my mouth.

Tuesday, September 17th, 2002

Subject:[ attention ]
Posted by:getupkid.
Time:12:16 am.
i have bad gas tonight...

just thought i would share.

xxx
bettie
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Monday, September 16th, 2002

Subject:Hope This Livens Up Things In Here
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:3:31 am.
CHECK THIS OUT!!
http://www.ratemypoo.com/
It's gross, and hilarious.
Have fun!!
Comments: 2 turds - shit in my mouth.

Wednesday, September 11th, 2002

Subject:[ morning fun ]
Posted by:getupkid.
Time:8:26 am.
Mood: sick.
does anyone else enjoy waking up with a roaring stomache ache & the shits?

i sure do :)

xxx
bettie

p.s. what the fuck happened to my community. i swear. people need to start posting more damnit.
Comments: 1 turd - shit in my mouth.

Wednesday, August 28th, 2002

Subject:[ i made this for us ]
Posted by:getupkid.
Time:11:11 pm.

LiveJournal
Trading Cards
Free Account Edition
poo_poo_caca
User Number: 88984
Date Created:4-1-2001
Number of Posts: 97

this journal is dedicated to the oh so pleasing. shit.
Strengths: squeezing with all our might to get out those pesky turds.
Weaknesses: ex-lax & fiber.
Special Skills: making shapes out of poo & the little presents found in it.
Weapons: silent but deadly farts.
:


Make your own LiveJournal Trading Card!
Brought to you by crossfire


are your shits healthy?

xxx
bettie bondage
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Thursday, August 8th, 2002

Posted by:getupkid.
Time:12:11 pm.
its always a suprise to see those little corn nuggets :).

xxx
bettie
Comments: 1 turd - shit in my mouth.

Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002

Posted by:getupkid.
Time:3:04 am.
Mood: annoyed.
it looked like a bowl full of little brown marbles.

dont eat greasy tater tots @ night kids. it makes it hard to poo.

xxx
bettie
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Monday, July 1st, 2002

Subject:[ the turd twister! ]
Posted by:getupkid.
Time:12:58 pm.
hey kids! its time to play everyones faveorite game!!

TURD TWISTER!!.

this little contraption comfortably fits your ass while you take your shits and forms them into nice little shapes. now go ahead and buy!

xxx
bettie bondage
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Saturday, June 22nd, 2002

Subject:In An Emergency......
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:5:23 am.
I'll tell you, if you tell me.
Where is the most bizzar place you took a poop because you just HAD to, "or else"?
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Subject:The Fire Breathing Ass Hole
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:5:21 am.
..........um I really should not have eaten all that kimchee.
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Thursday, June 20th, 2002

Posted by:getupkid.
Time:10:24 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
i just ate a big bowl of corn.
you know where thats gonna be tomorrow.

ill be so upset to part with my little friends.

:o(

xxx
bettie bondage
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Friday, June 14th, 2002

Subject:Ouch
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:1:45 am.
I got a damn bad case of the hot-hole.
Will my ass ever stop torturing me!!??
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Tuesday, May 21st, 2002

Subject:I Must Have A Tapeworm.........and Other Oddities........
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:5:47 am.
I have been eating like a slop hog. No sooner do I eat then I dump and am hungry again. I wonder if my dogs gave me tapeworms. I don't think so, b/c they don't have any bugaboos.

And another thing, am I a total whack job because I think it's really cool to take corn dumps. I mean why doesn't it get digested. It's like poop art.

I can't believe I am making this entry. *rolls eyes*

Oh yeah, I had a craving for sardines in mustard sauce. Yup, my bunghole is going to be getting even with me for that one.
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Saturday, May 18th, 2002

Subject:The Case of The Hot Hole
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:11:42 pm.
Mood:OUCH, My ASS!!.
DAmn. I hate it when I have the squirts and my bung hole is all on fire and stuff. Thank goodness for baby wipes with aloe.
</marquee>thanks for sharing.......</marquee>
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Sunday, May 12th, 2002

Subject:Hi
Posted by:mysticchyna.
Time:1:52 am.
Just joined this fine establishment. I have IBS.
I fart, poop, and burp a lot.
:D
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Thursday, May 2nd, 2002

Subject:[ a dump ]
Time:4:29 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
The Perfect Dump
Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump,
it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down
expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding,
fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless
grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use
some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary.
It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in
perfect harmony with it.

The Caesarian Dump Pain!
That's what this dump and childbirth have in common. Its simply a
case of too much dump trying to go through too small a hole, and
there's no obstetrician to help.

The Beer Dump
Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the
beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been
2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy,
noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a
bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump
Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili
dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat
shield.

The Cable Dump
Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-
axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly
serpent. You notice it has three rest rings encircling it. You
wonder admiringly, "DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?" You
leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump
In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a
tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump.
Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump
This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it
can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da
Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even
want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too
far.

The Empty Roll Dump
You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover
that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your
throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say "Where
are the curtains?" Then what would you say? The rug?...too
cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every
"empty roll dumper" must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your
tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash Back Dump
You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into
the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your
bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and
embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump
You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT!
Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It
isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do.

The Alfresco Dump
Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a
rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and
a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our
primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this
harmonious interlude is a troop of brownies or a patch of poison
ivy.

The Childbirth Dump
This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture
provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over
your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any
better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You
imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to
hatch monster loaf". You realize you'll have to resolve the
crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are
only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician
3. Hope like hell have enough Vaseline to get you through it.

The Tijuana Trot Dump
The phrase "Shit Happens" really applies here in a big way. When
the ice in your tainted margarita makes contact with your lower
intestinal tract, the fun begins. For the next 72 hours you'd be
better off if you carried your own portable toilet with you
because you will spend most of that time on the pot and the rest
of the time in a fetal position. Now you realize why Mexico never
had a navy.

The Machine Gun Dump
You're just sitting there in a state of sublime peace when all of
the sudden you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the
silence like machine gun fire. The guy in the next stall hits the
floor like a combat veteran cradling his umbrella like an
M16...damn commies.

The Sound Effect Dump
You feel a noisy one coming on. Relatives, friends or work mates
are within earshot, so you must employ some clever techniques to
cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is
obviously very important here. At the precise moment of release,
try the following sound effects: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Sing the
first two stanzas of your national anthem 3. Drop a handful of
quarters on the floor

The Security Dump
You have enough on your mind when you're in the bathroom without
worrying about a lockless door and someone bursting in to find
you in mid-dump mode. So how can you prevent this embarrassing
spectacle from taking place? One way is to strategically place
your foot against the door. If you can't reach to do this...hum
loudly.

The Cling-On Dump
For the most part you've completed your dump, but there's one
little morsel that refuses to drop off. You're getting impatient.
Someone else wants to use your stall. So, you grip the seat with
both hands and wriggle, twist and pump but that last little
stubborn piece just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a
canned peach between you and the bowl water. Maybe the person
pounding impatiently on the door has scissors.

The Houdini Dump
You go, then you stand up to flush, and the darn thing has
disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you
dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you
wipe...maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you
flush? You'd better, because if you don't, you know it will
reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.

The Flu Dump
You feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down
first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of
nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps
squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again...up
down up down. Don't you wish Mum were close by?

The Porta-Pottie Dump
Construction workers and outdoor concert goers will tell you
about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be,
"Its like taking a shit in an upright coffin". It's
claustrophobic and it smells bad...best advice...go in a paper
cup.

The Proctologist Dump
In the beginning, the lord created the earth, the sky and the
firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump, because there
is nothing biblical about it, you run out of gas. That's right,
you run out of propulsion. The dump is right there at the end of
your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you
squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead.
You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn
thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other
is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not
a pretty picture is it??

The Whole Roll Dump
No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You
blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole
episode is consumer waste.

The Graffiti Dump
You flush the dump and the swirling motion of the receding bowl
water forces the dump to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative
squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curlicue hangs
there...love it or leave it. Its your choice.

The Encore Dump
Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your
hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another
dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's
record is seven encores.

The Born Again Dump
This is a dump that's going so badly, you say "Lord, if I live
through this, I'll take up religion" you always get through it,
but seldom keep the promise you made in desperation, because a
born again dump is like childbirth...you forget the pain quickly.

i hope you all enjoyed that.
my poop had corn in it :o).

Bettie Bondage
Comments: 1 turd - shit in my mouth.

Wednesday, February 27th, 2002

Subject:[ break down ]
Time:4:09 pm.
so i finally broke down and pooped in school the other day. it was so bad. i couldnt take the pain any longer so i went to potty and dropped the kids off. it was so nice. i smiled for the rest of the day.

xox.
bettie bondage
Comments: shit in my mouth.

Sunday, February 10th, 2002

Subject:[ mmm i love poles up my ass too ]
Time:10:00 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
take a defication vacation.

xox
Bettie Bondage
Comments: shit in my mouth.

LiveJournal for The Shit Beneath My Cheeks.

View:User Info.
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